{"id":169,"date":"2008-10-02T13:27:10","date_gmt":"2008-10-02T17:27:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/christianpiatt.org\/?p=169"},"modified":"2008-10-02T13:27:10","modified_gmt":"2008-10-02T17:27:10","slug":"tales-of-a-male-preachers-wife","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/christianpiatt.org\/?p=169","title":{"rendered":"Tales of a Male “Preacher’s Wife”"},"content":{"rendered":"

This was the most recent piece of mine published on the Cokesbury Worship Connection site. If you want to link to the original article, <\/font><\/a>click here<\/a>.<\/font><\/p>\n

By Christian Piatt<\/strong>
\n<\/a><\/p>\n

I\u0092ve heard enough \u0093preacher\u0092s wife\u0094 jokes to last me a lifetime. No, I don\u0092t cook a mean casserole. No, I don\u0092t know how to knit. And no, I absolutely will not join the handbell choir.<\/a><\/p>\n

My wife, Amy, got ordained about four years ago, and straight out of seminary, we planted a new church together in Pueblo, Colorado. Even when she interviewed for the job with the local team putting the plans together, they talked about how great it would be to bring her on board, especially since they would get me as \u0093a bonus.\u0094<\/a><\/p>\n

It gave me at least a small taste of what pastors\u0092 spouses probably have endured for decades. The pastor\u0092s wife has, for so long, been seen as a perpetual volunteer who does everything for the church, but for no pay. It\u0092s almost a given, in more traditional circles, that a new minister comes with a partner who will pick up a lot of ancillary jobs that are set aside specifically for that spouse\u0092s role.<\/a><\/p>\n

My uncle is a pastor, and his wife performs many of the traditional duties in the various churches where they have served. Amy\u0092s dad is a minister, and so was her grandfather, great-grandfather, and so on, each with faithful women at their sides who have facilitated their ministerial vision.<\/a><\/p>\n

Amy, however, is the first ordained woman in her family, which also means I\u0092m the first male pastor\u0092s spouse. This, however, is not an anomaly in mainline churches. The number of women<\/a><\/a> attending seminary is growing every year. With the rapid attrition of retiring ministers reaching critical levels, even those congregations who once cringed at the idea of a female pastor now must at least consider the possibility if they are going to survive in the twenty-first century.<\/p>\n

But this also means there are going to be more men in the role of pastor\u0092s spouse. In some cases, like ours, the husband is involved, but just not in the ways the church generally expects the traditional wife to participate. I preach now and then, lead worship, and help with youth; but I have my own life, my own career, and my own vision of what church should look like\u0097gasp\u0097independent of Amy.<\/p>\n

At best, churches are having to get used to these changing roles. Worst case, the husband is not involved at all, or, if he is, it\u0092s only as a congregant rather than as a leader. The days of a two-for-one deal when hiring the prototypical male pastor are quickly fading into the history books, and if we\u0092re going to survive as a relevant faith movement, it\u0092s incumbent upon us to figure out new ways to be church.<\/p>\n

One thing that is different about Amy\u0092s and my approach to ministry is the egalitarian nature of our work together. Though she is ordained and I\u0092m not, and although she\u0092s paid and I\u0092m not, we don\u0092t perceive her role in the church as any more important than mine. Just like our approach to parenting, we are less interested in hierarchy and clearly defined roles and more intent on finding a way to share responsibility.<\/p>\n

A tremendous advantage we have in developing this sort of model is that I work from home as a writer, so I set my own schedule. Unlike many other working spouses, I can help out with youth camps, mission trips, and other mid-week projects. Many male spouses, however, don\u0092t have that luxury, and sometimes the last thing they want to do with their few hours of free time every week is spend more time at church.<\/p>\n

I do believe, however, that the way we\u0092re building this new church in southern Colorado is portentous of things to come. As many of us recognize, the old institution-centric models of churches are increasingly difficult to sustain, and church as we know it will look radically different in coming decades, if it is to survive. One challenge within this new model of church is that, with less of an emphasis on the hierarchic structure of religious institutions, there are fewer resources dedicated to full-time staff persons.<\/p>\n

If this new way of doing church takes hold, you will see more and more bi-vocational ministers, which has its benefits and drawbacks. On the positive side, a minister with other sources of income can spend his or her time at church focusing on growing the mission of the faith community, rather than focusing as much on survival. The downside, of course, is that he or she doesn\u0092t have nearly <\/a>the same amount of time or energy to invest, which means other part-time staff or volunteers have to pick up the slack.<\/p>\n

Here\u0092s where our model of building a church as a team actually works well. We\u0092re fortunate with my flexible schedule that Amy can work for the church full time. But if I was in a traditional job and the church had to pay someone to do everything that I do, they couldn\u0092t at this point, because we\u0092re still small. However, if we had to, the church could break up Amy\u0092s and my responsibilities into two positions, managed by two spouses or a pair of bi-vocational part-time ministers, accepting as part of the deal that there would not necessarily be a single person on call at all times for the congregation\u0092s personal needs.<\/p>\n

We\u0092re still feeling our way in this new church thing, and so far, it\u0092s worked for us. Sure, I get the jokes now and then, but they\u0092re fewer than they used to be. Amy still has the occasional visitor who walks out when she stands up behind the pulpit to speak, so it\u0092s not all wine and roses for her either. But we\u0092ve decided that, whatever path this calling takes, we\u0092re in it together. Neither one of us could do it without the other, and that sense of interdependence actually makes the hard times easier to manage, knowing we\u0092re not going through them alone.<\/p>\n

<\/em><\/p>\n

\n

Christian Piatt is the author of <\/em>MySpace to Sacred Space: God for a New Generation, and <\/em>Lost: A Search for Meaning, and he is a columnist for various newspapers, magazines, and websites on the topics of theology and popular culture.<\/em> He is the founder and president of www.MyWordTree.com<\/a> and serves as co-founder of Milagro Christian Church<\/a> in Pueblo, Colorado, with his wife, Amy. For more information about Christian, visit www.christianpiatt.com<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This was the most recent piece of mine published on the Cokesbury Worship Connection site. If you want to link to the original article, click here. By Christian Piatt I\u0092ve heard enough \u0093preacher\u0092s wife\u0094 jokes to last me a lifetime. No, I don\u0092t cook a mean casserole. No, I don\u0092t know how to knit. And […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,2,1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/christianpiatt.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/169"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/christianpiatt.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/christianpiatt.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/christianpiatt.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/christianpiatt.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=169"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/christianpiatt.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/169\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/christianpiatt.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=169"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/christianpiatt.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=169"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/christianpiatt.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=169"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}